Can people truly forgive after losing loved ones, suffering violence or experiencing deep betrayal?
That was the thought-provoking question at the centre of the maiden edition of Perspectives with Simiat Abaru, a public affairs programme themed "Forgiveness: Freedom, Sacrifice or Strength?"
The programme brought together a powerful panel of speakers, including Rwandan genocide survivor and author, Dimitrie Sissi Mukanyiligira, Alternative Dispute Resolution expert, Dr. Adeola Adams, and broadcast journalist, Maryam Ogunremi, who shared different perspectives on forgiveness and why it is often more difficult than people imagine.
Sharing her emotional story, Sissi revealed that she lost about 200 members of her extended family during the 1994 Genocide Against the Tutsi in Rwanda. She explained that after such a painful experience, forgiveness was not the first thing on the minds of survivors.
Instead, she said, many people were simply trying to survive, rebuild their lives and recover emotionally.
According to her, people cannot be expected to forgive while they are still living in fear or carrying deep emotional wounds.
She explained that forgiveness only became possible after years of healing and when many survivors decided they did not want hatred to define the next generation.
Sissi added that while forgiveness contributed greatly to Rwanda's reconciliation and national recovery, every survivor must be allowed to forgive at their own pace.
Speaking during the discussion, Dr. Adeola Adams said forgiveness should never replace justice.
He explained that before people can genuinely forgive, the truth must be told, wrongdoers must accept responsibility for their actions, victims must be heard, and efforts must be made to repair the damage done.
Using South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission as an example, Adams said lasting peace is built when victims receive justice and offenders show genuine remorse.
He warned against granting blanket forgiveness or amnesty without accountability, saying such actions often leave victims feeling ignored and can weaken public trust.
Adams also stressed that governments have an important role to play by supporting victims, strengthening institutions and creating policies that promote justice and reconciliation.
On her part, Maryam Ogunremi described forgiveness as a gift people give themselves.
She said many people choose to forgive, not because the offender deserves it, but because they want to free themselves from anger, bitterness and emotional pain.
The discussion also focused on Nigeria's security challenges, particularly the rehabilitation of repentant terrorists and former violent offenders.
The speakers agreed that while reconciliation is important, it should never overlook the pain of victims or ignore the need for justice.
They maintained that lasting peace can only be achieved when victims are allowed to heal, the truth is acknowledged and those responsible for wrongdoing are held accountable.
The programme ended with a strong message that forgiveness is powerful, but it should never be forced.
According to the panelists, real forgiveness grows where there is healing, truth, justice and compassion, making these essential ingredients for lasting peace in Nigeria and other societies recovering from conflict.
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